Tuesday, October 6, 2009

10 Crazy Things I Want To Do Before I'm 35

Finally, a fucked up list compiled by S.D. alphabetically and numerically ordered of the ten crazy things I want to do before I’m 35 years old.

  1. Tip over an outhouse while a nun is inside changing her tampon
  2. Dump a full garbage can on an occupied baby carriage
  3. Road rage on a limo with an uzi and a grenade launcher while blindfolded
  4. Wash my balls in holy water
  5. Take a shit in poison ivy while gargling baking soda for a middle school science project
  6. Fulfill a a centegenarian’s last deathbed wish by fucking the piss out of her with a broom and dustpan
  7. Eat raw roadkill
  8. Get a tattoo of two guys screwing just below my navel
  9. Make a special appearance on Jon & Kate Plus Eight where I’m Kate’s new boyfriend and I have a fetish of masturbating everytime Jon walks in the door
  10. Do jumping jacks while eating Apple Jacks and playing jacks inside a jack-o’-lantern

Don't worry, I'll lead the way.

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